Coping if you're a caregiver

A caregiver is someone who provides physical and emotional care to people with cancer. In many cases, caregivers are family members, often partners, parents or children, or close friends.

Responsibilities and concerns

As a caregiver, you have new, important responsibilities. Caring for someone with cancer can be hard work, especially if it’s combined with caring for the rest of the family. As well as caring physically and emotionally for the person with cancer, you may also be dealing with the added responsibilities of:

running a home
caring for children
dealing with finances

acting as a source of information for family and friends
maintaining your own career

Taking on these responsibilities, and being able to help support the person with cancer and your family, can be very rewarding. Making a positive difference, or meeting challenges, can be comforting during this stressful time. Many caregivers feel a closer emotional bond with the person who has cancer, as well as with family members and friends.

But being a caregiver can also be very difficult. You’re likely dealing with the many emotions that can surface when a loved one is ill. Sometimes, being a caregiver can feel like being on an emotional roller coaster, with extreme highs and lows. You may worry about your loved one, and you may feel frustrated if you can’t just make everything better. It may be the first time that you have faced a problem you cannot solve.

You may experience many distressing emotions – like anger, fear, sadness, anxiety or guilt. At the same time, you may not feel as though you’re allowed to have these emotions, that you must always “be strong” for the person with cancer. You may find it difficult to take the time to look after yourself.

Taking care of yourself as a caregiver

To care for someone with cancer and cope with so many responsibilities, you first need to take good care of yourself. You may worry that that looking after your own needs seems selfish, but it’s not. It may help to remember that caring for yourself is just one part of caring for someone with cancer. Keeping your strength and spirits up will help you cope with the challenges of being a caregiver.

Here are some ways that you can take care of yourself:

Learn more about cancer and its emotional effects.
Talk about what’s happening. Sharing feelings and frustrations with trusted friends and family members can help reduce stress. You can also talk to a counsellor, or other people who have been through similar experiences. You might want to find out about support programs designed for caregivers.
Don’t feel as though you have to do everything. Even at the best of times, no one can be the perfect caregiver, parent, partner, wage earner, housekeeper and more. Trying to take on all these roles at once will likely make you feel more stressed. Let yourself ask for help, and say yes to offers of help.
Be easy on yourself. Try not to feel guilty when you feel tired, frustrated or overwhelmed. These are normal responses to a stressful situation.
Make simple, quick-to-prepare meals and accept help with cooking or housework when it is offered.
Take a break. Go for a walk, have a massage, see a movie or meet up with a friend, play with your children or grandchildren – whatever activities you enjoy doing. If you’re worried about leaving the person with cancer for a short time, you can ask someone you trust to come by while you’re away. Leave a contact number so you can be reached if you’re needed. Spending some time away to unwind can make it easier to return to your role as a caregiver.
Pamper yourself in little ways. A favourite magazine or TV show, a hot bath, an early night with a good book – these are all examples of little treats to keep yourself going.
Protect your physical and emotional health. Being a caregiver is a demanding job and its stresses can take their toll on your health. See your doctor if you have any health concerns. Make sure you get enough sleep, exercise regularly and eat well. It’s okay to think about your own needs, and admit that you need help or are having trouble coping.
Let your healthcare team know if you want to find out about respite care. With respite care, a trained person usually comes into the home to take care of the person with cancer while the caregiver goes out for a while. It gives you a break from being a caregiver so that you can rest, have fun, and take care of other duties.

Personal stories
Other caregivers have shared their personal stories with us.

Last modified on: 07 January 2010